View From My House

View From My House

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Just in for a quickie

The world as I know it isn't pretty.
I am becoming something I despise...angry, frustrated and taking it out on the kids.
Monika is demanding "ME" time, all of the time, even when she's asleep she'll wake up and want me with her. Right now she should be asleep, instead she is screaming out for me to come cuddle and feed her, which I have been for hours already.
I probably have a fairly decent life compared to some... like crack whores and people who live on the streets ! I feel the pinch of poverty, I hate the house we live in for its so small, I dream constantly of getting out of it, even just getting a caravan and living out of it might be better - you know, freedom to travel. But that isn't going to happen. Everything right now is pretty much central to Andrew's illness.
Andrew basically told me if I want to move out he'll be here when I get back. Lovely.
I've been questioning everything lately, wondering to myself how the hell did I get here. Who I once was is buried 7 feet deep.
No doubts I love my children. No doubts that I think homeschooling is best. Its just everything else.
And apparently, I'm not depressed anymore.
I can't see far into the future because I can't get past today.
Well, that's it. There isn't anymore. Q.

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